Top 5 ways to have a feminist wedding

Inspired by this piece in The Guardian about new wave feminist Laura Bates (of Everyday Sexism fame) on being struck by the realisation that getting married is still mired in sexism and inequality.

I can recall many a ranting debate on the subject of marriage with my then best friend, as we discovered what feminism meant (It was a REVELATION back in the early 1990s that it was about equality between men and women – rather than a belief that women are better than men). WE vowed never to get married! Friends who were getting married were AFRAID to tell me…. and yet now I am married. Here’s what I did/you can do to have a feminist wedding/marriage…

1. Don’t marry a dick who doesn’t respect you and women in general.

2. Ignore all the conventions around getting married unless you genuinely want them to be a part of your wedding day – and feel free to modify them in a feminist manner if you do keep them.

3. Slap (metaphorically) anyone who refers to it as ‘your big day’, or ‘the most important day of your life’. Of course it is a momentous occasion in your life, but fifty quid says there’ll be days you look back on as being bigger.

4. Only invite people you really want to be there. Obviously this is a tough one as there’s bound to be family pressure to invite shedloads of distant relatives and put on an enormous show, but this is your wedding not theirs. You have the right to control the guest list – especially if it helps keep away those with non-feminist views who might dampen the mood with their negative patriarchal vibes.

5. Keep your name and don’t let anyone call you mrs (‘missus’). You will still be the same person once you’re married – and the ceremony of commitment can be taken as a marker of entering a new phase of your life without the need to re-label yourself.

Congratulations! Enjoy feminist married life.

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